Eighteen

Our son is eighteen…and everyone says that means he’s an adult…old enough to make his own decisions….that we no longer have the right to tell him what to do. Although it can be argued, that he never did do what we told him to do, whatever his age. And although the government says he’s still not old enough order a beer, they believe he’s old enough to choose whether or not he gives said government 8 years of his life to serve at their discretion. Did I mention our son is thinking about joining “The Few, The Proud, The Marines”. Although if you were to ask him he would tell you he IS going to sign up…it’s simply a matter of when….

I’m conflicted….part of me is very proud that my son, who has all the options in the world, wants to serve his country. I am a strong supporter of our military and a strong believer that we, as a nation, reap the benefits of their sacrifice. I never really thought of how great a sacrifice it is for their families….sad, but true.

In theory it all sounds good…but I never thought that we, as a family, would ever answer that call to serve and sacrifice with anything more than our money. And I know it’s not fair to say “Not my son…” But I’m feeling very fair right now because this is my son…

Alex is a wonderful young man…strong, confident, and capable. He loves to talk, to laugh and to make others laugh. He has firm beliefs about right and wrong and often steps in to defend those who seem unable to stand up for themselves. He’s generous with his time and money. He is reliable and strong and responsible. He works hard at whatever he is doing and takes pride in caring for his apartment and car and himself. He wants to excel at everything he does. He’s often cocky and yet if you get to know him you realize he’s also kind. He possesses all the qualities of a wonderful human being….and yes, he would make an excellent Marine, if he can curb his “attitude”….but I’d still rather have him home, safe…going to school, getting a job, eventually giving me the daughter I’ve longed for and the grand children I hope give him as hard a time as he’s given us.

I know that the percentage of marine’s to die in combat is relatively small….I don’t think that matters if it’s your son whose life is lost. Even more than that is the fear that he won’t come back the same happy young man we gave them. That he’ll spend years of his life doing something he didn’t sign up for….like digging ditches or checking in cars at an embassy gate.

On top of the usual worries and fears, I don’t want to lose my son to the demands of the Marines. Christmas and Easter and Thanksgiving and birthdays, even Jacob’s high school graduation…those are family times and the government will rob me of those memories….and I already resent it even though Alex hasn’t made up his mind yet, ha!

But he’s eighteen. And his life is his to live…and to give…any way he chooses. Pray for all of us, for his safety and our peace of mind. He thinking long and hard about this decision…we want him to be safe but more than that we want him to be happy… I expect there is no right or wrong choice in this situation. It’s just choosing a path and it’s Alex’s choice….at eighteen….

Mom

The Facts…

Mom went into emergency on Friday,Oct 17th. They determined her heart was beating too slowly…medication could keep her heart from racing but a pace maker would have to be put in to keep her heart from “stopping”

Sunday evening they put in a pace maker.

She was in the hospital until Saturday so that they could mess with her medications and be sure everything was functioning properly

It’s not unusual for me to get a phone call from home with disturbing news and yet I never get adjusted to it. I’m usually calm and matter-of-fact …when faced with bad news some people react emotionally…I prefer reason and logic….I want to know the when’s, what’s and wherefore’s….I suspect I sound cold and uncaring but I prefer to process all the information without dwelling on any the of terrifying possibilities that come to mind. And regardless of events…there’s nothing I can do. I wonder how I’m perceived by my family thousands of miles away. I wonder if they know that I pray…a lot….that I can’t sit down and relax because then I think too much…that I want to give into panic and fear and cry my eyes out but it would serve no purpose so I just keep busy. I wonder if I should catch the first plane north…I weigh all my options…the cost, the convenience, the predictions, the need I feel, the need they feel. If I were independently rich, well, no doubt I’d drop everything and be on my way…but I have a job and I’m not wealthy in terms of cold hard cash

The control freak in me wants to be there…taking care of details, talking to doctors, fixing non-existing problems. I want to make jokes and tell funny stories to help relieve some of the stress for others.

But I’m thousands of miles away…running errands, cleaning or cooking…probably cooking because it has to be really bad for me to clean, ha!

Eventually someone will call. I try to exercise patience and understanding. They don’t have the type of cell phone plans that allow them to call from wherever they are….and they don’t spend money carelessly….I understand that but it’s difficult knowing they’re all getting information as it happens and I’ll get a phone call when it’s all over. If I dwell on it I get frustrated and angry…so I keep busy, stay calm, pray and wait.

I try to be nice on the phone…not to betray how scared I am, not to add to their stress by demanding attention…in my heart I know they’re doing their best….yet I wonder if they even have the tiniest comprehension of how it is to be on this side….I expect they wonder if I have the tiniest comprehension of what it’s like to be on their side, ha

Some day I know I’ll get the phone call letting me know there’s nothing more to worry about…that I just need to come home to say those final goodbyes…and when that call comes I’ll deal with it…it’s not like we have a lot of options, ha….but you can’t plan for that day and think it will make any difference at all….it will be what it will be and in that day, that hour God will provide all that I need.

For now…well, mom is recovering. I pray a lot, think of her and Dad often and wonder what I can do to brighten their day or make their life easier. I am not there to cook a meal or go over and do a couple of loads of laundry. I can’t rent DVD’s or work on a jigsaw puzzle over cookies and hot chocolate. I call, I send emails and care packages…well, I will if I ever get to the post office, ha….I can even send the occasional bouquet of flowers…but I can’t be there and I can’t stop wanting to control everyone who is. And yet I know that this feeling will pass…that suddenly days will go by and I realize I haven’t called. The phone will ring and I won’t feel sick with dread….that all will return to normal and be good.

And for now I’m blessed to still have my parents with us…oh they’re older, patched up, threadbare in parts. They rattle when they walk from all the pills, they groan and creak a bit more than they used to and they’re a little frail in body but certainly not in spirit. As I age, and feel it, I can’t help but be aware that we’re all aging. So I’ m grateful for the good days….and there is still a lot of those…I love you mom. I love you Dad. Thank you for leading me to God and helping me to be the person I am. I am sorry I’m not close by but I am so glad that I know God watches over you and you are in His safe keeping….and that even if the only thing I have to offer is a prayer….I also know it’s the only thing that can actually make a difference….isn’t that amazing?....

Election Day 2008

So...before heading to work today I stopped to vote in the election. I'm proud to have a say in who leads this state and this country....and I wonder what the outcome will be. And I wonder how long it will take until we know, ha.... I've been around for a bit so I've seen my candidates win and I've seen them lose. And I'm not convinced that it's made all that much difference. (with a few note-worthy exceptions, ha!)

I know we all think we know what's best....but the issues are often so complex, so twisted around with other issues and policies...and so often hidden in a fog of dishonesty and corruption (often initiated by the previous administration or the administration before them...) that I'm not convinced there is a right answer....just different shades of grey....so in the long run, no matter who the guy at the top is you just have to hope they're smart enough to listen to the guys who really know what's going on and make good decisions. We can only pray that they care more about the country and less about their own egos.

And for the next 4 years we'll continue to work, be responsible and make the best choices we can, and be of serve to our fellow man.....the government will continue to take a portion of the money we earn to do whatever it is they do...that's true no matter who's in charge...we can only pray they don't mess it up too badly.....before the next election....

In the mean time, I'm truly looking forward to a little peace and quiet on the policital front...aren't you?

Halloween

We've always celebrated Halloween with dressing up and handing out candy and sometimes with fun foods and parties. And even though the kids are too old to dress up any more we still decorate the house for the neighborhood kids and pass out handfuls of chocolate

Alex even came home for the weekend...the whole weekend...normally he's not even home for 24 hours. But he had some stuff he needed to take care of at home and he surprised us by coming home on Halloween. We also had friends over for dinner and then we watched a couple of the first season episodes of Dexter.....

Actually...they watched....I had door duty. Although someone always had to get up and deal with the stupid dog every time someone came to the door. Porter, being the brave watch dog that he is, charged the door with each and every ring of the doorbell....barking, snarling, snapping at the outlines of small children through the glass panels....several which are still cracked from past warnings of "DANGER!!!" from our dear pet....once we convince the dog to retreat to the dining room and sit he'll obediently sit until told he can go play.....still, we're careful to have him until control because I don't want the kids scared. Of course one group of kids asked "Can we see the puppy?" I'm thinking "The puppy? The one who just attacked the door showing you his best Kujo impersonation....the puppy with the snarls and snaps and big teeth? That puppy? Jeez, children have no sense of self preservation!!" But I smiled and said "O.K....." and invited Porter over to meet the kids.....and he grinned happily as they all petted him and coo'd at him....stupid dog. Eventually John got fed up with him and locked him in our bedroom....ahhh...peace.


I made a Lady's finger cookies and stuck them in a dirt cake....the fingers got a little thick but overall it looked cool....

Our spider is always a big hit!!!