Story of the Invisible Mom

I really like this....it was sent to me by my neice and I have often felt the way the mom in the story feels....John thought it was incredibly sad and hoped I had never felt that way. But both of us have worked hard being the best parents we knew how to be....we've spent countless hours working to provide for the boys...we've done crafts, planned projects and parties, we've worked with scouts and soccer and baseball, we've appaulded and smiled and encouraged and cheered and yes, sometimes we've wondered if it made any difference at all....but it's true that with your kids you work towards a goal you can't see, and you get no points for.....but God does see and so does your partner.....that's one of the reasons single parents have it so hard....they don't have the other parent there to smile and say "you did a good job today....our child may not ever know what you did for him today but I do and I'll tell him one day how lucky he is to have you as his dad/mom..." I hope all you parents know that all the hard work really does pay off and that there is someone in your life who reminds you that all your efforts are not invisible.....


It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of
response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on
the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the
floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can
see me at all.
I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair
of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can
you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being.
I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to
answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order,
'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books
and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated suma cum
laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to
be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the
return of a friend from England ..
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was
going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.
I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put
together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for
myself.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a
beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her
inscription:
'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you
are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I
would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths,
after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no
record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would
never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that
the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to
visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman
carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked
the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a
beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.'
And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.
It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you,
Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one
around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've
sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and
smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see
right now what it will become.' At times, my invisibility feels like
an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.
It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.
It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great
builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will
never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be
on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals
could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people
willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the
friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets
up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand
bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the
table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I
just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything
more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen
if we're doing it right.
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel,
not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added
to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Hurricane Ike

We’ve lived here for 5 years….and we quickly learned to carefully watch the weather during hurricane season.. We were probably a little more cautious than the natives….because it was new to us. 3 years ago when Katrina hit New Orleans we watched liked everyone as everything went to you know where in hand basket. Shortly afterwards Rita was headed for us and reported to be a Category 5 hurricane. We, along with countless others packed up our stuff and left. Rita turned out to be a non-event but we learned a thing or two from the experience. This year it was Ike. Now Ike was not forecast to be Category 5 like Rita had been forecast. We’re inland quite a bit so we decided not to leave. However, stay or go it’s a lot of work preparing for a hurricane. We dug out our emergency stuff…flashlights, radio, batteries, tarps, duct tape and all the various tools you may need…you buy food supplies, drinks, store water. You keep your cars gassed up, pack away photo’s in water tight containers. You clear your yard of anything that is moveable. You fill your tubs with water, use up the food in your frig, turn your frig and freezer to their coldest settings, even fill water bottles with water and put them in the freezer (days before) so that your freezer will stay colder for longer. You make sure all the laundry is done, that you have wet weather gear, that the dog has enough food for a month….you put towels in the sill of every window, close blinds and curtains in case the window breaks…and then you wait and see. Hurricane Ike hit our community as a category 2 hurricane around 2 a.m.. We slept on and off as we listened to the wind and the rain and the occasional “thump”. We lost power around 5 a.m. Once it was light enough to see we got up to check out the situation. First thing we noticed was the tree leaning against the living room window but it was top part of the tree..leaves, small braches but since it was pressing against the window we knew we had to clear it back before it settled or shifted and broke the window. So John and Jacob armed with trimmers and saws made their way through the debris to trim back the tree. We also lost a 60 foot tree in the back but it fell away from our house and took out a couple of fences but missed any structures. The mess was incredible. By noon the rain had mostly stopped…neighbors where out checking on one another, and on damages…everyone had some damage…everyone lost trees…some on fences, some on houses but even the ones on house seem to have slowly drifted down until they leaned against the house…cars and fences didn’t fair quite as well….Our road began to build with water around 11 a.m….we knew the drainage system was clogged with debris but the grates are under the road level. Water rose and than began rushing downhill to our neighbors house across the street….we were all out there discussing options and ready to head into Scott’s home and begin moving furniture upstairs when someone suggested driving a truck through the water at speed. They figured it would act like a plunger drawing the debris out and then allowing it to flow through. So another neighbor got his truck and ran through the water 4 of 5 times…with 15 minutes the water had drained. Neighbors helping neighbors was everywhere. John and I got into our little truck to go check out the area and check on friends. There were trees down all over the roads…and where there were trees there were people getting through in their big trucks armed with their chainsaws clearing the road….Water made some roads impassable but the trees and debris were cleared from roadways by late afternoon just by ordinary people taking care of their neighborhoods….Texans are good people….
It rained and rained some more all night Saturday. On Sunday we began clean up. Roads were now being blocked and down to one lane because of the piles of branches and logs and leaves and trees. . On Monday we drove to College Station to visit Alex…actually, Alex had power and the gas stations up there had gas…so we really wanted to recharge our phones, maybe pick up some ice for us and some friends, and check out the news. We had been listening to the radio but the radio stations were broadcasting the news stations who would say things like “Wow! Would you look at that….that’s an incredible picture depicting the damage done by this hurricane…” Not helpful!. On Tuesday the man who cuts our grass showed up to help us clear the yard and he even hauled away our debris and downed trees…we had the nicest looking yard on the block, ha! We also got power back…we even had our friends over because she just couldn’t miss the season premiere of “House”, ha! And shortly after House we lost power again, ha!

Wednesday various places began to re-open…grocery stores, restaurants…John was one of the limited personnel they asked to come back to work on Thursday…My company re-opened Friday. And we got the power back on Friday at the house. We had phone service starting on Wednesday….One of John’s friends got through to us Wed. afternoon but it was a rough connection. But Wednesday night my sister took a chance and got through to me to let me know Dad had suffered a stroke that night….fortunately he seemed to be doing well and there was no permanent damage. There are just times in your life that there is absolutely nothing you can do except pray. I was wondering if I can even get a flight out of Houston should I need to but knew I’d cross that bridge when I got there….and well, PTL at least the phone worked, ha!

Since Ike things, for us, are back to normal. We learned a few things though….first…we’re not staying if they call for a Category 5…no way, no how. Second, the most important food you can have in your cupboard is chocolate. Third, there is nothing like a cold drink. Most importantly we learned that you can depend on your neighbors and your friends and that after a few days without power everyone has a huge BBQ and everyone is invited, ha!

August

For us, August is back to school month…don’t ask me why but I think it’s probably too hot for anyone to do anything so you may as well be in school….And this year it meant moving Alex into his own apartment. For weeks before I made sure he had everything he’d need…and probably a bunch of stuff he didn’t…I bought used dishes, glasses, a vaccume, an iron…I gave him used bowls, an old mixer, flatware, knives…I bought him new towels, a cheese grater cookie sheets. And for weeks I told him to start packing. We were driving with him up to College Station on the 18th….Alex packed on the afternoon of the 17th. I would like to believe he was putting it off because he didn’t want to face the reality of leaving home…isn’t that sweet?....but unfortunately it’s more likely that he’s lazy and he puts things off until the last minute…can’t imagine where he picked up that bad habit….

Anyway…we loaded up both cars and set forth. Because we were moving him on a Monday there were no lines, no crowds of students waiting to go over all the paperwork and pick up their keys. In no time we were hanging clothes, filling drawers, setting up his computer, filling the kitchen cupboards and making up the bed. His apartment is fully furnished so we’re saved the hassle of lugging furniture. Before we knew it we’d moved him in, went out for lunch, bought him a new desk chair and finished the first grocery store run…and Alex wanted us to leave. Ha! He didn’t say that but you could see it in his eyes…and we understood. He wanted to soak it all in…his first apartment…no parents, no brother, no dog…no one to ask him to clean the pool, or walk said dog…no one to say “Go to bed!” or remind him the dishes go into the dishwasher not on the counter. If he wanted ice cream for dinner than he’d eat ice cream for dinner. He had one week before classes started. A week to explore, get set up, buy school supplies….eventually his roommate would move in but just then he was on his own and loving it! So we hugged him good-bye and said we’d see him in a couple of weeks (he had a dentist appt scheduled. and an eye appt).

As we dove home we felt pretty good. We were providing a good start for our son…all the comforts of home and none of the bills, ha! I knew he was excited to be on his own, starting his own life but I was certain he’d really miss us and by the time he was home for his dentist appt he’d be happy to be in the family home for the weekend….I was sooo…. Wrong….

Two weeks later on a Friday morning Alex was headed home…he had a dentist appt at 3 and an eye appt at 12:30. I was excited to see the boy…looking forward to having dinner, chatting. I had missed him and in spite of the lack of phone calls I was convinced he missed me. I’m at work, the boy calls to say he’s done his appts and has picked up the stuff he forgot at home and now he’s heading back to college…..what?

Apparently he wanted to be with his friends at his own place…if I hadn’t been so mad at him I might have calmly talked him into staying for dinner and the night….but I was mad so I said “Ya, fine…whatever!!!” He told me he had to see the dentist again in a couple of weeks so he’d stay the night then… In the coming weeks Alex happily lived his life while I….. fumed and plotted his demise. He didn’t call me,...ever....and if I called him the conversations were very short and to the point and when he did come home it was a “fly-by” visit. He flies in, eats, spends one night and zooms out of there at first light…which for him is around noon. I didn’t handle the disappointment well. First I cried, then I got mad and then I threatened to redo his room and paint it pink. He responded with “Do whatever you want mom, I don’t live there anymore!” Ahhhh!!!! It was like a knife through a mother’s heart…and once I stopped crying I cleared out his room of all his “stuff”, re-arranged the furniture, put down a lovely new flowered rug in browns and blues, hung new curtains and new pictures and I’m going to paint the room a lovely….well, blue…but he didn’t know that….

So on his next scheduled fly by he called on his way home to give his approx time of arrival…he asked what I was doing and I told him I was out buying accessories (new lamps) for my guest room…he said What guest room?” and I said “Well, your old room, which I’m changing into my guest room.” And he said “MOM! Do NOT paint MY room pink!!” Ahhhh….it felt so good to hear him call it his room….Now a nice mother would have said…not to worry, I wouldn’t do that…it will l always be your room….but I am not a nice mother. I said “Your room? Alex you told me…and I quote…do whatever you want mom, I don’t live there anymore…end quote” I admit I gloated in the following silence….Finally, in a quiet voice he said “Well, it’s kind of my room…I mean, I just don’t want it pink, o.k.?” And I said “o.k….how about mauve or a nice lavender?” to which I got a “MOM!” I relented…told him I had hung brown curtains, rearranged things a bit and planned on a nice blue/grey for the walls. The room would be nice, calm, smoothing but still masculine. He actually likes the new room better. I call it my guest room…just to bug him. I told you, not nice…..


August – Jacob

Jacob started school in August as well. The dynamics in the house have changed without Alex here. Jacob now has, more or less, sole use of the truck. He leaves for school around the same time we leave for work…he gets home and has a few chores but can pretty much do as he pleases…with John and I sharing transportation it’s sometime 6:30 or 7 before we get home. By then he’s often made his own dinner, finished his homework, even put on a load of wash….Sometimes he eats dinner with us, sometimes he doesn’t but he sits with us and tells us the events of his day. Jake is doing well in school, is a great help around the house, enjoys getting together with his friends. He’s changed, grown, matured. Without Alex to compete with constantly he just seems more out going, more confident. In spite of the fact I’ve been somewhat of a basket case with how I was feeling in losing Alex I felt really good about Jacob. In one of my fits of angst with Alex I even offered him Alex’s old room. Jacob politely declined…I think he was being careful to stay out of the line of fire, ha! And I’m sure that Jacob, having witnessed first hand how it made me feel when Alex so clearly didn’t want us to bug him will make every effort to call me and re-assure me he misses me when it’s his turn to move out (yes, I know…. but hope springs eternal in a mother’s heart…)

Graduation

Graduation night finally arrived. There are over 900 students in Alex's graduating class....do you have any idea of how long it takes to get to "Thiessen" with over 900 students?

But we got there...and he graduated...sigh

All those young people....so excited to leave High School behind them and begin living their own lives....making their own choices. Yet for a parent it's such a mix of emotions. But overall you see them so happy and you just can't help but be happy for them

Celebrating Alex

Because we don't live near "the families" we gave Alex the choice of having an open house and inviting friends or having a nice dinner with just family. Alex choose to have the dinner. So...I rented a limo, made reservations and away we went....

I had never been in a limo before....Alex had...a number of times for homecoming dances, et....he's spoiled....and I decided that I deserved to be spoiled too....The best part was that we could all ride together, wouldn't get lost and could enjoy a nice bottle of wine with dinner. It was a very nice evening as we celebrated Alex and his accomplishments.

Circle of Prayer...or that was the idea...

I wanted a picture of us in prayer...we're a family but first and foremost our lives are centered in God...I wanted to have a picture that reflected that....a memory to end our day. I asked John to lead us in prayer.

Now I admit it was hot...we'd been taking pictures for well over an hour now. Everyone was pretty tired of looking happy....it didn't matter to me that my loving family was about to mutiny...I didn't care if they thought it was a stupid idea...John was even making fun of me and my inspiring idea but I glared, they sighed and John started off with..."Dear Lord please forgive Kathy for not having a sense of humor and for thinking you don't have one either..."

o.k..... mom is trying to stay serious...Dad is clearly enjoying himself....the boys, well, they think their father is hilarious....I'm resigned.

The prayer went on....and on....something about hastening the day when we'll all be in heaven and won't have to listen to any more of my crazy schemes et, et....even mom is losing it at this point....

I would just like to say that he's not funny! Oh, he thinks he's funny and his sons...who are just like him think he's funny...and my parents are not laughing at him, they're laughing because the boys are laughing so hard they're hardly able to stand....but they don't think he's funny. Because it was not funny!!!!

I was very unhappy with him afterwards.....but then I saw the pictures. It's not the picture I thought I wanted but it's us and it's life with us...and I think even God was smiling .

And o.k.....maybe John's just a little bit funny....

Love of my life....

I am blessed with a good man and a good marriage...and you can see where the boys get their good looks.

I love this picture...come into my parlor....I don't think my mom trusts him even after all these years....smart woman my mother....ha!

Life is always full of love, laughter, and surprises....blessed....

My Boys

My guys are incredible...they are bright, funny, athletic...and they are good men. They are without doubt sons to be proud of...although I'd be the last one to tell them that, ha! I'm their mother and I wouldn"t want them to get conceited, ha!

They were also the ones leading the complaints..they've moved on from "are we there yet" to "are we done yet.."

This picture captures them completely...Jacob pretending to be innocent but you can tell he's up to something....Alex waiting for Jacob to spring the attack and loving the anticipation of taking him down....if he can....

Yep...my boys!

Brothers...best friends? Dire enemies? Both?

Family pictures with Mom and Dad

While mom and dad where visiting I wanted to get pictures taken...I know I've been saying the same thing for years now...but I just never know when I'm with them if it will be the last time. I don't dwell on it or cry over it...I'm just aware of how blessed I am to have them in my life.


You'd never know it but the session was not without it's bumps along the way. John was late getting there....it was hot, hot, hot and we were getting eaten alive at times. But we smiled as we complained, ha!

We had pictures taken in two locations and we changed clothing as well....overall, well, the pictures turned out great. Although no one was more surprised than we were, ha!.

Still in love...who would have thunk it!

She looks just like me!!

Alex's Prom May 2008

Mom and Dad arrived for a visit on May 15th....Alex's Prom was May 17th. So we all got to enjoy snapping pictures of him and his girlfriend and all their friends on Prom Night.
As you can see Alex was a very fortuate man. She's a lovely young lady inside and out and I know they had a great time.

Doesn't Alex look smashing in his tux and matching hand bag?

April 2008

April was busy....first I had to unpack from our vacation...Porter, our German Short Haired Pointer was thrilled to have us home but needed a lot of attention...he's needy, ha! The boys had track meets on the weekends and we tried to never miss watching them compete...and then I decided to do something about the back yard.

The area around the pool had, over the years, become a big bowl of mud and young trees. The guys started by removing most of the trees, then we leveled out the yard with 5 yards of new soil and then it took 2 pallets of sod to make a yard...a little mulch and a few plants and we had a yard we can be proud of....

And More Cattail Falls

You'll be happy to know this concludes the visit to Big Bend National Park, ha! And to think these are only a fraction of the pictures I took....John and I hope to return for another vacation here....probably without the boys next time since they'll be busy with their own lives.

The park is just massive in size. There's so much we didn't get a chance to explore. We're looking forward to coming back.