Anyway…we loaded up both cars and set forth. Because we were moving him on a Monday there were no lines, no crowds of students waiting to go over all the paperwork and pick up their keys. In no time we were hanging clothes, filling drawers, setting up his computer, filling the kitchen cupboards and making up the bed. His apartment is fully furnished so we’re saved the hassle of lugging furniture. Before we knew it we’d moved him in, went out for lunch, bought him a new desk chair and finished the first grocery store run…and Alex wanted us to leave. Ha! He didn’t say that but you could see it in his eyes…and we understood. He wanted to soak it all in…his first apartment…no parents, no brother, no dog…no one to ask him to clean the pool, or walk said dog…no one to say “Go to bed!” or remind him the dishes go into the dishwasher not on the counter.
If he wanted ice cream for dinner than he’d eat ice cream for dinner. He had one week before classes started. A week to explore, get set up, buy school supplies….eventually his roommate would move in but just then he was on his own and loving it! So we hugged him good-bye and said we’d see him in a couple of weeks (he had a dentist appt scheduled. and an eye appt).As we dove home we felt pretty good. We were providing a good start for our son…all the comforts of home and none of the bills, ha! I knew he was excited to be on his own, starting his own life but I was certain he’d really miss us and by the time he was home for his dentist appt he’d be happy to be in the family home for the weekend….I was sooo…. Wrong….
Two weeks later on a Friday morning Alex was headed home…he had a dentist appt at 3 and an eye appt at 12:30. I was excited to see the boy…looking forward to having dinner, chatting. I had missed him and in spite of the lack of phone calls I was convinced he missed me. I’m at work, the boy calls to say he’s done his appts and has picked up the stuff he forgot at home and now he’s heading back to college…..what?
Apparently he wanted to be with his friends at his own place…if I hadn’t been so mad at him I might have calmly talked him into staying for dinner and the night….but I was mad so I said “Ya, fine…whatever!!!” He told me he had to see the dentist again in a couple of weeks so he’d stay the night then… In the coming weeks Alex happily lived his life while I….. fumed and plotted his demise. He didn’t call me,...ever....and if I called him the conversations were very short and to the point and when he did come home it was a “fly-by” visit. He flies in, eats, spends one night and zooms out of there at first light…which for him is around noon. I didn’t handle the disappointment well. First I cried, then I got mad and then I threatened to redo his room and paint it pink. He responded with “Do whatever you want mom, I don’t live there anymore!” Ahhhh!!!! It was like a knife through a mother’s heart…and once I stopped crying I cleared out his room of all his “stuff”, re-arranged the furniture, put down a lovely new flowered rug in browns and blues, hung new curtains and new pictures and I’m going to paint the room a lovely….well, blue…but he didn’t know that….
So on his next scheduled fly by he called on his way home to give his approx time of arrival…he asked what I was doing and I told him I was out buying accessories (new lamps) for my guest room…he said What guest room?” and I said “Well, your old room, which I’m changing into my guest room.” And he said “MOM! Do NOT paint MY room pink!!” Ahhhh….it felt so good to hear him call it his room….Now a nice mother would have said…not to worry, I wouldn’t do that…it will l always be your room….but I am not a nice mother. I said “Your room? Alex you told me…and I quote…do whatever you want mom, I don’t live there anymore…end quote” I admit I gloated in the following silence….Finally, in a quiet voice he said “Well, it’s kind of my room…I mean, I just don’t want it pink, o.k.?” And I said “o.k….how about mauve or a nice lavender?” to which I got a “MOM!” I relented…told him I had hung brown curtains, rearranged things a bit and planned on a nice blue/grey for the walls. The room would be nice, calm, smoothing but still masculine. He actually likes the new room better. I call it my guest room…just to bug him. I told you, not nice…..
August – Jacob
Jacob started school in August as well. The dynamics in the house have changed without Alex here. Jacob now has, more or less, sole use of the truck. He leaves for school around the same time we leave for work…he gets home and has a few chores but can pretty much do as he pleases…with John and I sharing transportation it’s sometime 6:30 or 7 before we get home. By then he’s often made his own dinner, finished his homework, even put on a load of wash….Sometimes he eats dinner with us, sometimes he doesn’t but he sits with us and tells us the events of his day. Jake is doing well in school, is a great help around the house, enjoys getting together with his friends. He’s changed, grown, matured. Without Alex to compete with constantly he just seems more out going, more confident. In spite of the fact I’ve been somewhat of a basket case with how I was feeling in losing Alex I felt really good about Jacob. In one of my fits of angst with Alex I even offered him Alex’s old room. Jacob politely declined…I think he was being careful to stay out of the line of fire, ha! And I’m sure that Jacob, having witnessed first hand how it made me feel when Alex so clearly didn’t want us to bug him will make every effort to call me and re-assure me he misses me when it’s his turn to move out (yes, I know…. but hope springs eternal in a mother’s heart…)
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